update (y)

i got my friends back.
natalie
lisa
hazel
jemma
and liam
you's guys are the best (y)


new schools ok.
i keep getting lost 8-)
lol


xox

underclass hero (8)

i feell all bleurghh again.
i want to cuddle up in bed with ryan :(
like last night :/


yesterday was ok.
yes, just okay for me


smoked till my lungs hurt
and sat it the rain + wind
fun !


but ayee.
people who know me well.
should know...i hate failure
if i cant do something.
i have a complete breakdown
*for example* history exam - hitting head off table


i just get really frustrated with myself.
AND! end up crying.. as per usual.

fun times 8-) :(


i wish it was summer :(
xox

eventfull dayy :)

new school ?
doesnt seem real atm


scary car journeys ?
almost cried


becks beer ?
is waaay to fizzy


the police?
seem to follow wilson


ayee so went to wilsons last nitee
and drank some....
then went out.


wilson + ryan got caught 8-)
by the police ..
blah blah blah.


i had the bloody drink paha
i couldnt move coz the bottles clinked
it was scary


went back to wilsons ate pizza.
then i had to go home D:
wilsons mum gave me a life
wilson came with mee :)


the same police people who caught them drinking
pulled wilsons mum over for something.
me + wilson hid paha


i went to bed


AND GUESS WHIT!!
SHE FORGOT HER CLOTHES ! PAHAHAH


xox

fuck saaake

i actually wish we were back at school 8-)
im so fucking bored.


2 days in a row.
in the house myself ...


whits the point like 8-)

memories :)

aww i love it when you remember wee silly things.


number one


the first day i hung about with dionne.
we bought helium balloons ..barney and tweety pie.
tweety pie was mines. and dionne put lickety lips on barney !
so he was pubescent lmao.
then we met meesh claire and mark. and walked up cally p.
mark pulled his trousers and boxers down....
and put his scarf round his waist....
and walked about like that.
then we got to the benches....
and there was like....ryan wee chris ghamm and cheesy + tht.
wee chris was rather pished so he stole me and dionnes
balloon weights and melted them together to form
what he called " a brabbit " ( bear and a rabbit (i)
then ...*this was before i met ryan* he stole my balloon
which was tied to my trousers...and popped
a hole in it with a fag so he could inhale the helium 8-)
BABE YOU OWE ME A BALLOON !!!


that was around 8 months ago : sooo....june / july ?
now : im going out with ryan.
and chris still rips the shit outtta me LMFAO!


number two


that day with the lucomaw and buckfart !
ayee the day i hit my head off the bus roof!!
aww so it started offff ...
me dean amy meep shelly meesh and kay ..i think
we got drink ....i let everyone try orange lucozade mixed with vodka
they liked it and said i was clearly cool :L!!
then dean found a marker pen in his bag so wrote lucomaww on my bottle.
then we went down the skatepark
(aye these were the days we used to drink doon the back :L)
i bought ice lollies ...WHICH GOT STOLEN BY EVERYONE!
coz it was really sunny
we met jamie and ryan and aww that.
took some pictures....
lol
then we went up the spot....
drank more and took more pictures.....


number three


that party at mines....
nuffsaid.
meep cage dancing in my shower.
simon eating all the sweets and hiding the wrapers in my mums shoes
dean getting naked in my bathroom.
meesh and leahanne eating uncooked pizza
them hiding plastic balls everywhere !!
and me and ryan ....dissapearing for an hour...
goooood times..


cant wait till this summer
xox

Every now and again I pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me

so ayee.
had a massive argument with my mum.
coz my rooom was a mess.


i packed my bags and moved to my grans.
within an hour my mum was at the door .
PAHA! win


so aye doctors this morning.
nothing wrong with me :S
then why cant i sleep ?


i had the worst dream ever last night
everyone who i know kept dying.
it reminded me of final destination.
stay away from city simon !!!
LMAO!


but aye. still of school.
back half day on friday :)
non-uniform and shizzz
scooore.


xox

So come and take me away, from this monster that you've made of me. (8)

i quite fancy brokencyde likee :)


so yeh.
still off school :)
did all my work aswell :)
chuffed much ? XD


i still cant sleep.
got the doctors tomorrow.
fun :/




so yeees,
today went to ryans.
usual (6) paha.
was giid.
im apparently a good wee housewife.
lmfao. i made pasta :)


he made me cry !
i have an irrational fear of knives
and he total chased me in the bathroom.
i cried ....coz he scared me :(


awwkhhh
lifes amazing.
my boyfriends perfect.
my friends are awesome.
and schools going great


happiest ive been in a long while
xox

boredd sheeen ;)

im bored.
i dont like sundays.


yesterday was lovely.
sat in with ryan all daaay (L)
i pure love the boy aha .


he was hungover.
so i went to the shop
and bought irn-bru and oreos.
and i makde myself feel sick.
ate too many oreos !!


so ayee. later on.
we got pizza.
and it was yummmmmy :)


but now....im bored.
im watching dirty dancing.
and eating a pot nooodle.
im still in bed .
heehee


byee !
xox

geeesooo :O

ive just relised how much work i have


english - critical essay , discursive essay + close reading
chemistry - past paper
biology - 5 homework booklets
maths- homework sheet
history - essay and question about the jews ?
french - whole module of reading + writings.
moddies - learn course notes
art - expressive essay


FUR FUCK SAKE ! thats alot.
seriously. im gonna sit in all today doing most, if not all ,of it.


FUN FUN FUNN!


xox

(n)

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be,
you'll see I don't want love to destroy me
like it has done my family


this is shite.
my parents are fighting.
like majorly.
my dad's been kicked out.


how many times has this happened lately?
alot.
but this time.....
its wayy more than its ever been.


im sick of it.
i know how much them fighting fucked me up
when i was younger.
now its happening to my brother.
and it makes me feel sick.
to know hes gonna be like me .


i blame most of my anger
and commitment issues on my parents.
i grew up witht hem throwing shit at each other.
my dad moving out every other week.
and me and my mum staying with my gran.


no way am i ever gonna be like that !


xox

happy birthday kelly :)

its my big sisters b-daaay :)
we got her a holiday to tenerife so shes away :)
22 todaaay :) x


meh...
so another weekend in.
im getting used to it now.
im in a good mood.
my rooms tidy.
my hairs behaving :)
so everythings ghiiiiid :D


me and ryan ? - 6 months yesterday.
quite an achievement for me.
he spent it in the pub :/
which annoyed me a wee bit.
but kehn ...im over it .
theres more to life than being unhappy.


i have a lot of ambition now :)
its quite giid :)
need B's in...
higher english
maths
chemistry
and physics
might take biology ..
but five highers is alot.


meh...
xox

:(

another friday night alone.
fun times :(
pfft..


its nice to know i can rely on yeez ^o)
seriously.....you's all care about
drink more than me...thanks ae.


im getting quite sick of everything


im sick of always being unhappy because
i cant do anything right for anyone..


im sick of not being able to sleep
because im worrying about stuff


im sick of losing the only person who was
gonna make my life alot better
r.i.p amy-louise :( (my future goddaughter)


im sick of people using me to get
whatever they want.


im sick of having people tell me im manipulative
toward males. which may be true.


nd tbh...lifes crap atm.
im depressed to fuck.
and i just cant believe everything that happened
to me this week....
what have i done to deserve it all?


ive did fuck all....thats what.


:( x

So I let down my guard drop my defences down by my clothes

i think im gonna die like.
it was -6 when i went out this morning.
not nice.


icy and cold ?
ayet.
oh btw. see if you even think of making
a wee smart comment like that
again when ryans not there.
ill fucking smack you. seriously.(:


life quite ok.
id like to keep it that way


xox

shite!

im bored
my skins a mess
and my face hurts
great ?
NAW
xox

(U):'(

Rain outside my window pouring down

What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry

Feeling like a fool cause I let you down

Now it's, too late, to turn it around

I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry

I guess this time it really is goodbye

You made it clear when you said

I just don't love you no more

omg :'(

ive ruined everything again.

this time...i dont even know what ive done.

i didnt put enough effort into winning him back.

im a fucking stupid BITCH! for losing him in the first place.

its my own stupid fucking fault :'(

i literally hate and despise myself

seriously why do i ruin my own life

and other people's who i really care about.

i need to let him decide whether he wants to let go.

i cant stand seeing him upset :'(

it will kill me inside if i have to say end this to him.

but i have to do whats best for him just now.

its not all about me.

...

xox

february already :)

well...
one month over of 2009:)
only 9 months till im legal ;)


tbh. this months has been good :)
still with ryan.
got all credit grades in my prelims.
not made any big mistakes.


so ayee yesterday wasnt good.
i cried alot.
OH MYY GOSH!!!
matthew got kicked in .
he hit ryan >.>
im gonna kill him on monday (:


im so agressive aha.
people find it funny :)
coz i shout alot.


today should be better :)


xox