mega blog..?

december 25th 2008 : Xmaaaas day !

woke up aroundd....7ish with my brother
opened presents XD
got ...

iphone
new laptop
clothes
guitar hero world tour !
virgin mobile broadband XD!
money
perfume
dvd's
etc....

family came over..ate too much
drank WAAAAAAAAAAAY! too much
then ryan came over ..
OMG!! the boys so fucking sweet !
he asked me back out...on xmas day !
god i fucking love him so muchh ..
no mucking up this time i promise.
ate and drank more.
watched die hard ? lol

december 26th 2008: boxing day !

didnt do much lol never got up till 1...
cracked guitar hero world tour out its box
im a whizz on guitar...
drums? getting there lol
then later...went to ryans
he played xbox
i stole his internet and went online with my phone lol

december 27th 2008 : tooonagee!

went up town shopping with nioma
she had to go home at like half 1 to babysit.
then i met dean becca scullion and zander...
went to camerons...
i got my belly button pierced...
not that sore..
ive been nipped sorer
took dean in with me to get it done..
he was ghidd emotional support

.

" you can get up if yer feeling ok.."
" I DONO HOW I FEEL! "
.
aha ghiiid times...
went to the square .
had some banter ..
went shopping again this time with ami
she bought total lovely shoes !!! :O
went back to square ..
ryan finished work
went to his house
and same as night before lol
.
catchhhh!
xox

christmaaaaas eve XD

so ayee its christmas eve :)

and im excited kinda...

or a bit drunk...

or both ! XD

.

so ayee

merry xmas !!!

no blog tomorrow unless the day get shite lol

catch and have a good day

xox

2008 - tbh the best year yet (:

god ive been thinking...

about how the last few weeks have been so shit

..

BUT! tbh apart from the week beginning 7th of december

this years been awesome.

..

thanks to dean, ive met the greatest folk ever

fairdooos toon kinda made me a bit

mental tbh lol

but ! i like drinking and tbh smoking isnt all that bad.

.

ive had some really shit relationships

then thanks to me being a total lightweight

i met the most amazing guy ever.

we went out..i mucked up

but kehn im still hoping we can sort it out.

the whole cheating thing has made me learn alot...

.

school ? still the same ...

im still smart-ish..

.

ive also realised...alcohol is total ghiid!

drinking a litre bottle of vodka will make you pass out

vodka and lucozade makes yee whitey but tastes giiiid

.

so ayee 3 days till xmas !!

i actually cant wait XD

xox

4 days (:

eek !

4 daays !

i actually cant wait now XD

.

oh i had another strange encounter with a lady yesterday

i was reading a condom leaflet and she told me

she was gonna take me outside and end me

just coz shes jealous i can afford protection

her and her 8 kids ;)

me and shannon complained lol!

.

conner made me go to costa and get him a latte with 6 sugars !

then complained when he got a sore belly !!

lol.. so ayee got a bottle of smirnoff ice ..

was ghiid

didnt get drunk ...just happy tipsy (:

.

went back to ryans watched dawn of the dead

well like 30 minutes of it...

...

so i never got up till 1'o'clock today

and now im tidying my room

i had to clean my floor wasnt fun :^)

now! ive got to change my bed covers

and take 2 week old rice downstairs eww...

im lovely likes.

..

later? gonna revise for my prelims again.

ask ryan if he wants to come over maybe (:?

sooo catch baaabe

xox

aha awesome daayyy XD

so yehh ...today was well ghiiid.

went uptown with ryan and simon (:.

fairdooos it was raining and windy as fuck !

when we were in the bank we concluded you cant take me anywhere

coz i made a puddle on the floor wth my umbrolly

.

so ayee went to tescos to try and get a taxi tot he train station

ryan won one of the corsa c'moon guys first try !

gave up with the taxi.

walked to the train station.

i cried it was so cold and windy and rainy :(

.

but ayee got to the station

had to use the fucking machine to get tickets

gave change out in 5p's from a £20

* we regretted this later !*

got on the train (:

again we decided you can take me anywhere

as on the train i shouted

" stop rubbing me with the umbrella yer making me wet !"

lol!

went to glasgow.

.

zavvi is amazing !

and we got lost after going the wrong way :L

foot locker for like 2 hours!

went to PASTA HUT!!

yes we really did find one that has changed!

but it was toooo busy so we ended up at mcdonalds

which has to be the biggest walk from the counter to the door!

.

right then we went back to the train station !

tried to get through the ticket barrier

until the woman told me our tickets wernt valid till after half 6 !

STUPID MACHINE!!!

.

so i went absoultly skitz at the man

he was just plain rude !

ended up having to pay and extra £1.40 each !

fucking prick like seriously !

"if yer gonna swear you cna just wait till half 6 !"

my fucking arse mate !

.

so ayee train home

went to get on the bus

this drunk woman licked me !!!!

it horrified me greatly !

.

went back to simons

hannah and chloe came round

i cried coz i got hit alot !!

then i went home

and slept like a log XD

xox

schools over (:

heeeeeeeeeeeey ! <3

guesss whiiit !?!

no more schooooooool !!!

SCOOOORE !

.

im apparently coool.

coz i have manly taste in movies

such as green street and football factory !

hell yeaaah !

.

so ayee school today....for 2 periods ahaaa

me and dean

"dirty fucking jakey alkie amoking scene kid bastard !"

lol (:

.

got the bus to ryans at like 11 .

better than being at school lol

.

went home slept .

ate 6 boxes of micro chips ..

*theyreee wellll gid !*

its like awesome!

.

now im on msheeeen !

and gonna do some studying ae :/

.

tomorrow should be giiiid.

not going to school AGAIN!

glasgow with ryan...and simon hopefully (:

should be a laugh and a half (:

..

catch (:

xox

i could have been someone..well so could anyone ! (8)

8 days !

merry christmass baabes !

.

seee tbh it doesnt feel like christmas :/

kinda sooooks .

but aye i cant wait!

.

its like the perfect day...

presents foood family and lots of alcohol.

plus ! i think ryans coming over XD

god i love that boy suhin awful

even if weer not going out ..yet...

.

he says im apparently gonna find suhin out on the 25th :O

im actuallly total paranoid !

i wannnnnaaaa know now !

.

so ayee got all my past paper books today ..

15 !

i made conor carry them coz hes lovely (:

i got my hair done !

its rather braww tbh (:

.

im gonna have to start studying soon :/

kinda sucks ..

gonna ruin my holidays coz im gonna be worried ...

about exams and prelims and shizz.

im gonna try not to let it ruin it tho !

try and enjoy myself ae .

.

tbh this has been an awesome year .

i finally feel comfortable being myself.

and ive met some pure amazing people.

ive realised some people are dicks! [ a bit too late tho ]

and ive realised yee never know what yeev got till its gone

.

ive changed alot...

i drink + i smoke

who cares tho ae?

im still exactly the same person insidee

and im still doing well at schooolypops

so kehn no worries baaabes

.

so ayeee study time !

what first i wonder.......

modern studies i suppose :/

byee

xox

You and me always, and forever (8)

welll it was raining

and dark and cold !

but guess what !?! i bought a new umbrolly

so im sorted :D!!

.

got to the bus stop..

bus..me and dean finished the song !

.

im not gonna write it alll

just the verses :L

.

who looks slightly asian and cant get it up...

whos shit in bed and looks like a mutt...

who cheated on ... now cant get a burd..

now smack and gham are gonna kick him to fuck ..

.

aww dean i love yehh =]

.

got to schoool

usuall classes...

didnt do much since its the last weeeek (:

.

cant wait till friday (:

glasgow shopping woooo!

i love trains ! seriously theyre awesome !

.

christmas in like 9 days !!!

yey !!!!!!!

..

im toootalll hyper !!

so i gonna go on the treadmill :L

xox

all i want for christmas is you :((8)

so october

read please.

http://theworldofnicolee.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-wanna-hurt-you-just-to-hear-you.html

.

see that ! ever single bit of that is still 110% true

if not even more.

.

so im gonna beg over the internet.

basically make a fool of myself again.

.

take me back :(

please :(

ill do the last few things on the list...hopefully

*see last post*

even if i dont manage to

please....im begging you take me back

im crying writing this...

i love you...so much .

i know i hurt you

i know i embarassed you

but you dont know how much not being able to say

"oh my boyfriend..etc.."

it like " oh...my...err...friend"

it kills me...

the other night when you said

"im goi-..used to go out with one"

thats when i realised this isnt over yet :(

im not saying forgive me yet.

im not saying fully trust me yet.

im saying please take me back :(

everyday since last monday has been the worst days of my life

coz ive not had you to make them better :(

....

so yeh :(

please...just think about it

im willing to do the list.

i just dont know if i can convince my fucking mind to let me.

xox

help ?

im in a predicament.

so i need YOUR! help ?

.

right..
i mucked up..as you know..my relationship.

ryan was and still is the one person ive ever loved.

i know it sounds crazy since im like 15....but its true.

.

i want him back so badly it hurts.

i know what i have to do to get him back,

but ! the problem come to doing it...

is it worth embarassing myself :(

my hearts saying yes !

but as per usually i have my sensible head on which says no :(

.

when weer together...

its like weer still going out...

we still do exactly the same stufff ..

but i know weer not going out..

so its not the same,

and tbh it kills me....

.

so the question comes...

should i embarass myself + get the one person i love back .

OR!

just say no + just be friends

.

tbh seeing it like that...

i dont have a choice ....

which is the shite part...

.

i hate not having options.

fuck this im away to have another wee cry ..

xox

wooo things have got betttteer

DESPITE ! the fact this week has been SHITE!

it getting better babes !

much better.
me nd ryan are talking again...

well..more than talking but kehnnn!

shh.

.

toon today. was cold and rainy.

but me and ami's treck made it hilarious.!

some unny quotes ? why not !

.

"weeeer gonna get stabbed !" me once i found out where we were going

.

"shit im stuck !" i got stuck in between 2 lamposts with my brolly.

.

"last time i was walking down here...i was oot my tits...

and kept taking 2 steps forward and one step back" * ami demonstrates*

.

"SHIT! ive dropped my fucking fags !"

AMI LOSES HER FAGS !

AND MAKES US WALK BACK ! THEN I FOUND THEM XD!

.

aww zander made me giggle.

"are you going chappy"

"bye chappy!"

"fuck off chappy! seriously"

.

lol (:

good times babeees !

xox

it's been like this now for days...(8)

if it hurts this much,

then it must be love,

and its a lottery,

i can't wait to draw your name.

oh i'm trying to get to you,

but time isn't on my side,

the truths the worst i could do,

and i guess that i have lied.

.

keeping me awake,

it's been like this now for days,

my heart is out at sea,

my head all over the place,

i'm loosing sence of time,

and everything tastes the same,

i'll be home in a day,

i fear thats a month to late.

.

that night i slept,

on your side of the bed so,

it was ready when you got home,

we're like noughts and crosses in that

opposites always attract.

.

-youmeatsix, alwaysattract

...

so ayee today sooked.

whats new ae? :/

fuck alll !

.

biology - sooked

history- ok...banters giiid

break- shite

art- skive

french- BIGGER skive

lunch - shite

english-shite

maths- OOOFT! shite.!!

.

came home.

had dinner

now im in bed.

fuck sakes.

sooooooooks atm !

.

and i think im scared.

just in general .

scared.

life scares me lol !!

seriouslly !

.

tomorrow?

just another day ae?

this weeks nearly over !

lets hope nexts better.

lets just say...

it couldnt be anyworse than this...

ive lost everything......

...

..

.

xox

But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know (8)

someone give me him back :( please....

.

this week has changed me.

sooooo much.

im like emotionally scared :(

.

right public broadcast of feelings?

shows you how much i care :( x

.

i want you back.

so badly it makes me cry.

im sorry.

im sorry for lying.

im sorry for keeping it a secret.

im sorry for making you seem like a bad person.

im sorry i hurt you.

im sorry i went anywhere near him .

and most of all ..

im sorry ive made you distrust me :(

i deserve all the shit you've given me.

i am a slapper

i am a slag.

but im determined to change for the better

ive quit smoking for you.

ive did everything :(

i just hope you realise how sorry i am .

.

ive cried at least once everyday after and including sunday night.

i hate myself for what ive done to you.

i said

"im not as bad as her"

but guess what i am :(

i might even be worse ..

but least im trying to fix it...im trying sooo fooking hard

.

please. take me back.

give me a chance to prove im diferent now

....

please :(

xox

I'll never be the same without you (8) ):

fuck sake.

worst week ever mate :(

its only tuesday!

.

got dumped

lost all my friends

broke my fingers :(

.

holy shit.

now SHES! got involved !

how fucking awesome ae:(

kill me now ?

.

ive quit smoking btw..

3 days without a fag.

not easy.

but its what has to be done.

:(

im quite upset.

.

its not going well for me:(

bye

xox

I didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby if i could turn back time.

its official

everyone hates me !

me and ryan have broke up.

he found out i cheated.

im a slapper.

and a slag.

.

it hurt alot :(

ive cried all day.

even to my mummy ,

who then sided with him..she likes him more than me...

im a hussy according to my parents.

.

crying hurts...

after like 6 hours.

its not fun to have the people

you thought were youre friends

call you names, and give you dirty looks

.

and note if yer reading this alex,

youre a fucking shit stirring bastard and i hope you rot in hell !

matthew, youre more trouble than what it was worth

dont fucking come anywhere near me.

.

so ayee....eventful day

catch :(

xox

watch me come undone !

eeek !

its neeeerly christmas :)

i love christmas ..

its like awesome

.

so..i started my christmas shopping atlast !

not alot still to get (:

scooore ..

and i saw my christmas outfit today .

awfi brawww XD

.

after christmas?

NEW YEAR !!

the biggest excuse to get drunk in the whole world (:

and personally...

i used to hate it...

becuase obviously being young...i wasnt allowed to drink

but now i am...

its fooking awesome !

.

this years been ...probably the best year of my life so far.

fairdoos its had its bad/sad moments.

but the gidd/happy ones overshadow those !

• ive had some bad relationships...which went nowhere
• im now in the best one ive ever had ..which is awesome !
• ive lost some good friends due to the act ive changed alot
• ive made some amazing pals...who are basically mental (:
• ive changed alot ...its bad in some respects
• ive changed alot..its awesome..im more confident...and i like alcohol lol

so ayee this years beeen ghiddd :)

lets hope next years just as good !

xox

Such a saint, but such a whore. So self-aware, so full of shit (8)

godddsaaake.

its waay to cold outside

i left the house at ...8.05am

and it was fookin minus 5 !

.

my toes went numb lol!

ghiid times .

snows still there...

well it more ice now...

but just everywhere.

i slipped coming out the house 8-)

.

so ayee school...shite

haha whats new ae?

.

came home...tidyied up

watched csi:miami :L

coz im hardcore

.

went on msn (:

organised to go shopping either tomorrow afterschool

or friday if the weathers bad :L

to get amber something

happpy birthday for friday (^):)!

.

eeeeek !! 3 weeks tomorrow till xmas !

scooooore !

.i like christmas

but i hate new year :L!

its depressing lol

.

so ayeeee ..im away ...

homework is like piling up lol

xox

more UPDATED statements

1. i love you so much, yet i dont see why you're with me

i dont deserve you and it obvious to me now

im sorry for the shit ive put you through :(

.

2. i shouldnt like you at all ..but i do (: yer a nice person

no matter what anyone else says

except ...you cause alot of trouble when im with you :/

.

3. im glad weev finally sorted our shit out (:

your 4 hour long chats are funny

and the tequila was a great addition (:

.

4. i love you in a friendly way (: yer like my best friend boyo

never change coz then id have to cry

even if yeee are a total jakebawww <3

.

5. you's two are the nicest girls ive ever met !

ive only known you's for about 5 months

but yeez are total goood friends ilys! <333

xox

im not scared of dying, i just dont want to (8)

god ..i love robbie williams (:

.

but ayee...

today was two words...

FUCKING SHITE !

.

right..before school...i had no fags !

so no morning fag...made me grumpy

.

got to school...it was cold frosty and

people were talking about the weekend

felt like shit...

.

psd maths boring as fuck

break - meh !

.

r.e - had to leave at the start of the period to go to the nurse

knock back 2 ibuprofen and sit with a ROASTING!

hot water bottle on my belly....was the best part of the day

gave me some alone time

let me think about stuff.

.

history shite!

lunch...fucking bollocks!

chemistry moddies MEHH!!

.

bus home...kinda funny

walk home with alex and matthew

always makes my night (:

gives me some banter :)

(so thanks for tht guys XD)

.

god ...

now ! im sitting watching robbie williams live at knebworth.

then i think i may go for a boiling hot shower

with my ipod dock turned up full blast.

then ...french homework...

msn-ageee

then bed coz i feel like shit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

my lifes quite shite occassionally (:

xox