whats the point :|

ayee...im fucking depressed

everything just seems so shit just now

.

yesterday was ok (:

today was ok (:

everythings always just ok !!

its never great ....always fucking ok !

.

i think i may be having a nervous breakdown

im so fucked up in the head !

i also think i may have anger problems

but i dont care about that ...

.

ok...enufff depressing stuff

i enjoy school (:

it the only time i see my friends now

...no more toon member...

so ayee....today ..some quite OK! banter

.

meh....im going to bed...

im awfii fed up :(

cheer me up ?

please....

.

xox

day 1

day 1 of my new life

not much has changed

.

i told everyone of my intentions

they laughed...

said i couldnt do it evn if i tried...

so kehn what !?!

im more determined to do it now

its all over....

and i mean it (:

that half bottle of vodka i shared with amber

my last alcoholic drink outside the house

until im legally allowed to drink ofc

.

fag i had at bus stop?

my only fag all day

is in the morning

ive cut right now...

ill try and stop completly soon

.

just wait till the weekend

everyone will be phoning me like

"nicole you coming uptown?"

and guess what?

the answer will be no (:

.

but ayeee....school was ok

but i cba talking about it

....

catch (:

xox

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost (8)

blog title? = true
im so confused about my life :(
i just dont know who i am anymore!
im doing stuff i dont want to do...
im hanging about with people who
probably dont even like me
and i have lost all my friends due to tht^
.
town had ruined me...
drinking smoking ....etc.
the only good thing tht i have gained
would be ryan :(
im just sick of not being able to be myself
im not like all the others ...i know that
im the girl who goes out ...but would rather
be in the house...watching tv and spending time
with my family and having friends over.
i hate going out nowadays
there too much pressure to drink or do stuff like tht
.
people dont even know me :
they know the me i fake
im not confident
im not a bitch
im not two faced
im not a violent person
im not outgoing
im not brave
.
im nervous
i lack any form of self confidence
i hate the way i look
im quite a nice person
i hate arguing
im a wuss
.
the girl everyone thinks is me is a sham
the only person who ever sees the real me
is....ryan....
hes the one whos seen me when i wake up in the morning
hes the one whos seen me when im at my worst
hes the one who i trust everything with
hes the one whos seen me with tears running down my face
.

im not commiting suicide
im not dissappering
im going back to myself....
im sticking in at school
im not going out every weekend
...not even every second weekend
im gonna make something of myself !
im not gonna become another one of the lost causes!
who ruined their lives themselves !
.
im sick of being a dissapointment to my parents
i never used to be until this year
and i hate it
i hate making my parents unhappy
i hate my mum thinking that everytime i go out
im either gonna be coming home in a police car...
or...the police will be alone...and ill be in hospital
or worse...
.
dont expect to see me uptown again
unless im shopping
dont expect to see me drinking outside
ever again !
dont expect to see me smoking ever
im stronger than tht
so what im saying is goodbye....
forever...

i kissed your lips , i held your hand , shared your dreams and shared your bed (8)

heeey babess!!

heehee today was gid (:

met ryan at the bridge

walked down to scotmid

.

but guess whit !

they never had the dip ryan wanted !!!

so we had to walk alll the bloody wayy to davy hills!

" i kehn its a total stomp but its worth it "

lol

so we got the dip and pringles

simon was being a gimp and not coming out

so we sat on ryans doorstep and ate and drank boost

.

then we walked to mines

the door was locked

grrrr.

so we walked to ryans sisters (:

.

watched scrubs (: ftw !

then ryan made pizza

his pizza making skills are gid (:

then i shunned him whilst it was cooking

and got threatened with a pizza cutter !

scary mate lol

.

but ayee we ate pizza

snuggled up on the couch with the cover..

i sat on the floor...

decided to be a tad annoying

it worked and i got attention lol (:

.

ooo ooo i cant take compliments :/

they make me nervous (n)

.

but ayeee i love spending time with him

makes the days better

todayy actually made me realise how lucky i am

to have a utterly AMAZING boyfriend

who i would do anything for (:

and again....

.

i have "maternal instincts "

what the helll ?

it starting to worry me

i never usually tidy or wash dishes after me..

maybe im just growing up a bit (:

.

i also had a nice wee convo with dean on the phone

like 10 mins ago ...

was funny (:

.

catch mate (:

xox

sorry (n)

so shit btw :(

once again ive fucked up :(

it always me...

i dont mean to ...

but after it i realise

that i fucked up big time

.

i honestly think im just a general fuck up

it always happens :(

and after it all fucked up so much...

my friends are like

" yee didnt deserve that "

or

"it wasnt your fault"

when ive realised ....

it usually is ...

.

maybe im not meant to be happy :(

i am ...when im not fucking up

which seems to be like every 2 weeks lately

but when we fall out i just feel like shit

atm...i could honestly cry..

it just every fucking time !!

i always fuck up by acccident :(

.

im sorry i lied

i thought ...

you know what im not making excuses for myself

.

im sorry i lied :(

and i just hope...this doesnt change anything

ive never lied to you before

you know ive told you the truth about ...

the things i know you dont want to hear

but i know i have to tell you,

about everything

including when i tell you i love you more than anything :(

.

xox

mehh...good or bad ? who knows 8-)

ayee so...yesterday i helped ryan babysit (:

i apparently have "maternal instincts "

lol (:

but ....i dont want a baby lol

.

so today..being saturday

went uptown ..

got a total amazing

top outta newlook for

the party

.

so this party

was ok i spose(:

me and amber *vodka shots + fags ftw!*

seriously sitting in the barbeque hut

" nicole i love yee babe ! give me hugs !!"

"ok :D"

.

ahaa was quite funny

sept i was on a train

which i didnt like

my bottom lips all cut

but kays mints and dionnes polo mints

kinda stopped me a bit

.

sorry for tht ^^

i didnt want to admit it at the party

as i was a bit ...

yeh ...

to use wallaces word

"fleeing"

.

i like vodka ..and smirnofff ice

but thats "poooof juice"

so im not allowed to admit i like it

oopsies XD

.

but ayee im on my come down

im crabby

and i cant sleep :

sooo meeeh

byee :

.

ps. i love rm <3(:

mega muchh babe !

no matter what happens

and you wouldnt fuck up (L)(:

.

catch mate!

xox

and after everything you put me through i should fucking piss on you! (8)

i like bring me the horizon

oli sykes is WOAFT!

.

ive changed my font (:

i got bored (:

.

3OH!3 - dont trust me is stuck in my head !

"tell your boyfriend

if he says hes got beef that im a vegetarian

and i aint fxcking scared of him"

.

i had an english NAB today...

oh dear...

i think i may have failed

but just by a tad hopefully (:

.

so ayee...schoool...

i got out of french

coz i burst out crying in the middle

of my speaking assesment

.....i shouldnt bottle everything up

coz it come out at silly times !

.

but good thing was me and shivieeepop

gotta go sit in the weee tutorial room

and talk for the whole period

..first it was relevant to why i was

crying....

then somehow ! *shivieeee!* the conversation

turned to sex lol!

.

im not gonna say more about tht LOL!

just remember what i said !

.

so ayee today was generallly ok (:

sept the rain ! and wind ! all day!

cant waitt till this weekend !

mhhhhmmmm!!!!

.

oh yeh ...ryan...dunsmore found out LOL!

he said he though i had better taste than you..

so i told him ..

yeed come back with yer clicky pen

PMSL!

.

finally !

simon ! im not a homewrecker (:

catch 'shen

xox

tell your boyfriend If he says hes got beef that I'm a vegitarian + i aint fxcking scared of him ! (8)

god

today sucked

well school did

...

after school was gid tho

chris has a phobia of feet

and

im now a ned

apparently

lol

im bored

byee

xox

ahaa i laughed

this is the type of bebo comments

ryan leaves me (:

he made me laugh

i love him mega

...

Asian Pimp Mystro

lets get frisky

drunk some wiskey

Fooled around

on the ground

we went for a quickie

my fingers got all sticky

i dnt think yer a slag

you and yer yellow bag

I sed i love you

and filled your mouth with goo

I am such a douche

for it was in a bush

when you cum you go twichy

when i relised i was itchy

we look an awfy farse

with midjy bites on our arse!

lawl ily

...

aint he talented (:

i actually love the boy so much

xox

today was fucked up

ayee ..

today was so fucked up

im being fucking harrassed by a

lassie ...trying to get "stuck in" to my boyfriend

even tho i did nothing to her!

but she blames me for her boyfriend cheating on her

..with me...but i didnt want it !

..

so ayee mate?

if by chance...

yer reading this

GET A GRIP!

i ve got 10 times more pals than you

so if u even think of touching me

for no reason !

theylll be on you like a fucking tonne of brick babe

so ayee stay away from my boyfriend...

or we will fucking have a big problem ae (:

so ayee

im in a bad mood

catch

xox

ive had enough (:

no more

• drinking
• smoking
• messing about

all i wanna do now is concentrate on school and passing my exams

ive had enough of being a stupid wee lassie

xox

ima spesh (h)

ahaa!! msn banter with conorrrrrrrrrr is awesome ((:

aha (:

im a spesh (:

see i hate wearing my glasses

i prefer contacts

even though they hurt my eyes kindaa

...

but ayeee..

first day back at school

was pretty rubbish

me and shiviee seem to be

becoming really gid pals again

thank god

i missed her mega tbh !

i need someone to bitch to !

(:

...

seriously tho...

im such an unhappy person lately

just like in the last few weeks

ive become a total weirdo

i feel the need to cry

like constantly):

its not nice !

i dont like it one bit !

...

i hope it passes...soon...

im sick of it !

catch im away to play wii tennis with my mum (:

xox

You're my wonderwall (8)

t'dayy

i went to asda..

and was violently sick in the toilets

it made me giggle

coz the wifey was like

"Gawni shut the door ?"

Eh? nawww

im being sick...

the least of my worries is shutting the cubicle door !

...

but aye ..

then we went to simons ...

watched scrubs

yey!

i stole his duvet cover

it was gid (:

i feeel better now

thank god (:

...

so yeh...

i was reading through my

old texts today

like from AGEEEEES ago

like july

and i found the first texts ryan sent me (l)

"its no problem...i just hate seein lassies bombscare i kno wat its like"

" maybe it just the way i am, maybe i just wanted to help or maybe i just wanted to help a pretty girl out"

awww aint he sweet (:

i remember that day...

very well actually considering

the amount i drank.

...

ayee i can remember the first time

i spoke to him aswell

i had just made a total ARSE

of myself hitting my head off a bus roof

he laughed at me...

typical me ae ?

.

anyhoo im gonna have a wee sleep

get the remainder of my migraine away

catch babe!

xox

today :/

tooon?

wiz ok i spooose

no drinking !

straightedge?

nahh...

just couldnt be bothered

with the bombscaring

and

the hangover

and

embarrassing myself more (:

...

right now?

watching a dvd

charlies angels:full throttle

coz im coooool (h) lol

on msn ?

ayeet mate

talking to conor about relationships

...

speaking of relationships...

today i realised suhin

i dont wannna lose him...ever..

just lying in bed with ryan watching a movie

talking a lot of random shit

not caring about other people....

just me and him...

it proved you dont have to do *stuff*

to spend time with your boyfriend

i could have lay there all night...

just snuggled up under the covers

having random conversations about

dinosaurs...and other silly things

just being myself basically.....

but nawww!

my mum had to phone ...

and say i had to go home.

i was utterly gutted....

...

i soo wish i had a place of my own

or even just a shared flat ...

but kehn being 14...

with no job...

doesnt help (n)

wid be so good ..

not having to go home at a certain time

being able to spend a whole night with ryan

:( if only ae?

...

but ayee im tired

so ...

catch babe

xox

since i do what im told

ahaa...

got told to post this :L

...

well...tonight was ..

well utterly amazing

for 2 reasons

...

the first of which being

ryan came over (:

my mummy made us baked potatoes :P

they were yummy(:

i total love spending time with him

he makes everything else seem pointless

he basically my life (:

...

the second reason why tonight was so amazing..

first utterly amazing experience

which im not going into too much detail about

but..

all im gonna say is

OOOFT WOW !!

ryan is truely amazing mate !

2 months today babe (L):D

xox

boredd mate (n)

ooo friday!

i rather like fridays (:

well...this friday aint so good tbh...

my mother is forcing me to tidy the atomic bomb testing site

which i call my bedroom...

not fun babe! not fun atall!

...

but yeh the reason why i like fridays is coz

ryan , like 95% of the time, comes over (:

we like eat ...alot...then watch movies XD

its well gid mate

"gee me attention!!!!"

its gidd coz we get to spend time together

just the two of us...

without other people annoying us

or us making them feel awkward

...

im guessing it will be toon tomorrow

oh how fun (n)

nah not really

toon shite now

last weekend was utterly appaulingly shit !

the funnest part was the treck ...

through jaggy nettles...

in a skirt and dolly shoes aha

...

but ayeee

the mother is now moaning at me

so ...

catch babes !

xox

i wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name (8)

i moan about my life....

but tbh

its the best its ever been

thanks to one person tbh

...

ryan mcnamee

or to you other people smackmanee (:

...

ryan is the best thing to ever happen to me

i love him ,

i know people say we are too young to know what love is,

but i do.

seriously, i dont know what id do without him

..2 months and we're still going stong.

he is truely amazing ,

when he says cute little things like

"you know im always there for you"

+

"i love you and i always will"

my heart melts .

he can always cheer me up

and always knows when theres something wrong.

i actually love him so much.

...

seriously 2 months tomorrow!

my longest relationship

i hope to god it lasts much longer,

because to be honest

i cant imagine my life without him now,

he is the only thing keeping me going sometimes,

and i know i can go to him about anything

and he'll listen + try his best to make me happy.

...

i made him super-noodles today

so apparently we are married now lol

coz i cooked for him XD

the noodles would have been better...but!!

chris put too much water in the pot..

and i couldnt be bothered taking some out .

he bit me on the leg..it hurt like a bitch!

he rips me suhin awful,

but i know he doesnt mean it in a bad way (:

he moans about me not eating

+ that im to apologetic and a pushover,

but kehn...hes only looking out for me

...

as you can tell , i truely love the boy

so kehn

break us up + ill fucking devour you.

and im not joking mate !

...

forever + always babe ?

i love you (:

...

xox

oh dear

ive done what had to be done

it was the right thing to do ...

but then why do i feel like shit ?

maybe it coz im just a guilty person

or

maybe i did the worst possible thing?

...

from a lassies point of view...

i would have wanted to know if my burd

had tried suhin with another lassie

then blatently lied to me about it saying

" nothing happened"

when it cleerly did ...

...

ok...ill admit im sorry she broke up with you

but tbh you deserved it

YOU not me ruined yer relationship

as soon as yee made the mistake of

trying to put yer hand down my skirt...

yee ruined everything for yerself

trying to blame me for all this wont make anythign better

if anything...

yer making things worse for yerself

just say sorry to yer burd

i doubt she'll take yee back after the last time

but kehn....

its yer own fault

...

all i can say is

"thats what you get..."

catch (:

yey (:

im at the burds house (:

so this will need to be quick

or maybe not since im being dingied for the wii

house of the dead ftw !

nah not really (:

...

has anyone noticed they've changed the filters of regal kingsize :O?

there like weird now :o

but ayee point being

weeer off school !!

thank god mayte !!

Fairdooos banters quite giddd

but kehn its kinda boring

and the weather shit soo.....im cold (n)

...

ooo oo guesss whit !?!

youmeatsix 3rd of november !!

my 15th *at foooking last* 16th november

its a sunday tho (n)

but ! weer off school the monday and tuesdayy !!

PERTAYYY!

im guessing ill spend my birthday recovering

from a major hangover ?

since i aint drinking on a sunday

all the excessive alcohol consumption

shall be on the saturdayy 15th (h)

apple sourz as a present anyone ?

it will be muchos appreciated (:

...

all alcohol related presents will be gladly accepted

and maybe shared if yer nice (:

guesss whit...

catch (: !

xox

home at last !

ayee 6 hours in the car !

im home !

it was actually ok

i went swimming alot

and quad biking XD

ive also lost like ..a stone in weight

coz i spent half my time in the gym or pool

But ayee...

it was sooo frigging cold at night!

i had like 2 duvet covers !

and i was still numb!

...

im absoloutly knackered

so im away to watch a dvd and sleep (:

catch !!

xox

fuck this for a laugh !

so fucking unfair like...

this morning * its 8.45 btw*

i got woke up at 7

by my mum telling me we were leaing to go on holiday

TODAY!

instead of tomoro night !!

WTF!!!!

ive made bloody plans which im now going to have to cancel

* sorry ryan :(*

to go and be bored shitless for the next 2 days!

seriously!

weer going with my neighbours who have 2 kids

my brothers age

so im going to hae NO ONE!! to even bloody talk to !

its so fucking unfair !

...

so ayee....i wont see yeez till wednesday night

if i survive until then :\

TEXT ME OR BETTER PHONE ME !!!

yee might just stop me from drowning mysel (:

some more special people who deserve a mention (i)

kehn like ....a few days ago * 7th october*

i did the post about the 3 people i can trust

ive realised i missed a few people out

...

the main person i missed has to be

steven wilson

i actually love the boy suhin awful

weev been through alot tbh

but weer like really good friends now

i trust him with anything

and i hope he knows he can talk to me about

anything atall...

our conversations usually end up with one of us crying

because theyre usually about

important stuff

hee'll sit with me when im crying

and tell me everythings gonna be finee

he stands up for me no matter what

and i know hes there for me when i need him most

...

another person i need to mention

dean fleming

this boy has to be one of my best friends

his banter is amazing

and hes the one who brought me uptoon

which for me is a good thing

even tho iive changed alot

he gives me random love bites

and jips me alot

and pulls my burd

but toon isnt the same without dean

neithers history...

his random stories make no sense

but he always makes me giggle

...

again....shit happens mostly to me (n)

so yeh...

about yesterday..

first i went shopping with my mum

got a new outfit YEY!(:

went home got changed got dropped back off uptoon

...

went to the square.

then the factory...

then the spot (:

started drinking straight vodka :\

not a good idea....

then ami gave me fanta fruit twist

it wass better (:

then more people came up

went a treck through bushes with ami + claire

im nature gurlll who walks through cally park in

a mini skirt and dolly shoes babe!

...

everyone seemed to be total pedoing on me

until the either found out i was taken..or 14...

but that doesnt stop some people tho ...

...

seriously ! i think people think im a slut or suhin !!

even the guy i just met tried it on

then i told him i was taken

he backed off a bit...

then his brother tried to start a rumour that i

had shagged Him

when of course i havent

...

xox

this would be me ^ i was not actually drunk...the flash on the camera hurt my eyes thats whyy i look wasteeeed !...not because of the bottle in my hand *shify eyes*

i wanna cry tbh

today...

i suppose,was ok

until ...something happened

but i dont wanna talk about that

ryan will sort it ...

anyhoo the gid parts

wee chris doesnt hate me !

*has small one person party*

kehn coz it rubbish wen yer boyfriends best mate doesnt like yoo

...

it was cold...

and dark....

and i got perved on about 6 times

coz i had a purple leopard print mini skirt on XD

...

but ayee im not in the mood

so ill write more tomoroo

maybe a good nights sleep will make things better?

i doubt it tho tbh

xox

im worried ...he knows (8)

todayyy was awesome (:

skive all day basically (:

P.e was greatt !!!

we sat on the dance studio floor with the mats over the exercise steps

and the heated flooor ...ooft

and we watched the dance show dvd

and i discovered they do NOT give you enuff malteasers in a bag >.>

me shivieee and sami ! colourful skinnies muchos ?

...

lunch... i have to admit ..was awesome too

we had music today (:

shiviee and dean jumpstyling (:

was gidd banter (:

i got a fucking MASSSSSSSSSSIVE bruises on my neck

thanks for that dean and ryan >.>

...

funny things which happened today:-

the skank and her crew : " nicole are you a mini-mosh?"

me: "fuck offf !"

...

me: "i would tbh :\"

shivieee " yer disowned...but tbh he is gid"

LMFAO!

...

bus home ?OMFG !!

matthew neerly got chucked off the bus for throwing a banana!!

omfg rofl !!

i neerly peeed mself seriously (:

well tonight ...

ryans coming over (:

chinese and a dvd ? oooft babe (:

xox

another gid day !

today was actually rather giiiiiid!

biology first- i made a plant ! yesss! it be true im now offically a nerd

history- "god he needs a fucking haircut!its like a curtain"

sarah cracks me up sometimes lol

break....shit

art- me and lewis danced (:

french !- watched mr beans holiday *in french;)*

bitched with shivieee a little

LUNCHH!!

oooft....thats all ill say

foooking ooft

english- i slept ...then shiviee woke me up >.>

maths....ooft higher (h) im smart

...

then at like 3.25 me and emma ran from one side of denny high to the other

to pick up the goddamnn plants !

...

bus home?

funny as helll!!

"that fat munter bitch behind us has fucking rancid b.o " !!

then we got off the bus yaddayaddayadda

everyone sparked up...im trying to quit again btw !

smoking that is !

matthew admitted something rather frightning

now im worried lol !

...

fav quote from today !

" she doesnt just hae one lollypop...she needs fucking 3 in her mouth at one time..!"

thanks for tht alex...made me giggle (:

xox

reminder of how awesome things are

aww today was gid (:

english first - textuall analysis baby !

my quote

" going in and out hard and slow"

i made waves sound dirty (:

art - painted a wind turbine lol !

...

BREAK!!! = BANTERR !!

i got kisses (:

...and hit ...alot...

but i dont mind (:

...

french - bitched all period (:

maths- nuff said :\

...

LUNCHHH!!! = MORE BANTER!!

i got bit...but it wasnt sore so s'alll good

i got slapped about a bit more

more kisses....

talked to jakebake (: hes lovely (:

more kisses and wine gums (:

...

moddies- got major jipped coz im the only smart lassie in the class

chemistry- discussed BDSM with colin ;)

...

bus home...?

not as funny as usual ):

i got jipped offf a fat lassie who touched mee ewwww!

she never stops eating !!

and shes already faaaaaaaat

xox

ive realised now (:

kehn how the other day?

i was moanign about how i some times think

my friends dont understand sometimes

....

welll i have 2...(technically 3) friends who do

....

the first being my amazing burd
ryan mcnamee <3
i actually love him & i dont use that word alot

unless i mean it.. which i definatly do (:

he helped me build ikea furniture (:

*i built the chair!*

he is amazing tbh i couldnt ask for anything more <3>

he makes fun ov me and beats me up

but i wouldnt have it any other way (:

....

next we have my uber awesome best friend

louise muir<3

she knows when im upset and then cheers me up

her banter awesome specially in form

*jurassic park them song !*

her dance moves make me giggle

and her squisshy banana every morning makes me pmsl

shes the only lassie friend i have who i 100% trust

....

finally we have the special one

conor smith<3

i dont actually know where to start with conor

hes just generally lovely

he cheers me up mega

and he always knows when somethings up

i know its not really usual to be

almost best friends with yer ex

but conors the exception to that

hes just awesome and gives squishy hugs (:

xox

todayy ...

today was...rather okay tbh

sept the fact it rained ...

all day :

i dont mind school....banters well gid

but french ...god

i wish i hadnt taken it as a standard grade

fairdoos im awryt at it...

im getting 1's and shizz

but its pish !!

seriously !

biology ? boring ....

art? skive tbh i sat and painted (:

history? best class of the week...banters always immense

usually involves me dean chloe sarah and usually shannon

*discussing* some important stuf

english? the radiators toasty (: and shiviees morbid !

but i had to listen to *her* slag of my burd and my close friend

and say she wanted to stab him all period !!!

i can cleerly hear her saying it aswell !

maths? discussed my inability to stop saying fuck and that slag ^

bus home ?

the first years are terrified of me (:

its awesome (:

its coz i shout and them and give them jip...but they deserve it !

.....

anyhooo (: wednesday tomorrow (:

2 weeks till you me at six!

yey!

might go get my outfit this weekend...

watchees think?

black tutu black corset black and silver tights *starry ftw!* and heels ?

sceneslut?(:

.....

kehn whit ?

my lifes not as pish as i thought it was

i have amazing friends

louise muir i would call her my best friend

conor smith the one person i can turn to about everthing

and an amazing burd *ryan (;*

and i get on well with my parents

s'allll gooooood !

xox

3rd post today babe (h)

kehn 3rd post but this is important (:

guesss whit !?!?!

YOUMEATSIX!!!

22nd October !!

with deankid and shannon (:

should be fucking awesome !

looook !! ticket !! ^^^

eeek ! im actually hefti excited now

2 WEEEEKS ON WEDNESDAYYYYYYY!

shall be wearing my trusty tutu hopefully (:

sceneslut much ?

hell yeah !!!

"Save it for, save it for the bedroom...(8) "

intoduction...better late than never (:

this is me btw (:

im upside down (:

aint i cool (:

i meant to kinda intoduce myself like 4 days ago

but ill do it now (:

im nicole (: hey (:

my lifes pretty....hectic...

and almost like coronation street

*so people say*

im 14 ...its shit

i have a boyfriend...hes braw (: see *looks down*

i have brown *NOT GINGER* hair

and eyes which change colour when they see fit (:

im kinda tall i sposee

im almost an alcoholic and ive quit smoking (:

im also rather moody :\ but its just a flaw (:

xox

why am i constantly putting myself down ?

as most of you probably know

im in a *serious* relationship

with probably the most amazing guy ive ever met

im so fucking happy when im actually with him

but...

when im not ...i go back to being a wee depressive bitch

im constantly putting myself down...

i think im a shit friend

i think im a shit daughter

i think im a shit girlfriend

i basically just think im worthless tbh :\

now...im not emo or anything !

i just think people think im pathetic or something...

people treat me like im stupid

and the people who dont are my closest friends :\

and even sometimes i feel like their talking about me

even though there not....

people need to realise the shit ive went through....

so kehn whit lets tell everyone (:

last year was thee worst year of my life

i had a relationship which i got fucked about so much

that im now incapable of feeling safe with guys

becuase of the way *he* used to put me down all the time

....

also i did something i wasnt proud of

mainly my taking things which i shouldnt

im definatly never taking those again

....

but basically i feel as though im letting ryan down

because i cant let go of my past...

something...*god noes what* keeps reminding me

ov all the shit i went through last year

and its total upsetting me tbh

but anyways

school was quite gidd for a change

day went really quick

banter was okay (:

nuff said for today

xox

meh :\

so ayee saturday yesterday=toon

was shit...

the highlight of my day had to be sitting in mcdonalds

with matthew eating and pinging a tropicana lid about

yes thats how shit it was (:

metro unders=would have been good if i wasnt moody

just felt really depressive and shizzz

wasnt gidd ):

wanted to cry tbh...but i didnt coz kehn

i was with like 150 people

louise and connor awwwwwww (l)

so cute btw !!

toooday im gonnna lie in bed all day

with my laptop...

watching dvds (:

xox

It aint easy growing up in world war 3 (8)

friday night :/

Family party=trouble

everythings was fine....

until my mum and gran started hassling me

"im a dissapointment"

being the main thing...

oh yeh ..

also .."yer better than that "

ehh?

naw im not...

the both smoke and drink and have the

cheek to give me shitty lectures

AT A PARTY ASWELL!

ruined my night tbh

today (:

toon ofc even though it shit

dont even know whos going up

well...alex and matt are i think

so they said..

but kehn its kinda raining...

so tht means spot...

then im going to the metro (:

rave with my bestest buddy

the wonderful louise muir

(who has a blog check it out (;)

and the lovely eve whitelaw

sadly ryans grounded ):

today should be ok i suppose

the right people uptoon would make it great (:

ily (: xox

First Post

God i actually hate being ill

today...i got woken up at 9 o clock

by denny highs stupid groupcall system

making me aware of the fact i was off school

no shit ...

so yeh ...went to the doctors to have him tell me what i already knew

tonsillitus..how fun for me

got penicillin...which means no alcohol this weekend

unless i have a death wish (:

toons getting quite crap anyways.

i seriously havent bombscared in ages

not since that day with the litre of vodka

not that i can remember much

but..that was what you call a good day.

Toons basically just something to do now...

it used to be amazing ...

now its just depressing

the spot is a shit place to go

you get covered in mud

and its a treck :\

nuff said (:

they were the good days ^