mega blog..?

december 25th 2008 : Xmaaaas day !

woke up aroundd....7ish with my brother
opened presents XD
got ...

iphone
new laptop
clothes
guitar hero world tour !
virgin mobile broadband XD!
money
perfume
dvd's
etc....

family came over..ate too much
drank WAAAAAAAAAAAY! too much
then ryan came over ..
OMG!! the boys so fucking sweet !
he asked me back out...on xmas day !
god i fucking love him so muchh ..
no mucking up this time i promise.
ate and drank more.
watched die hard ? lol

december 26th 2008: boxing day !

didnt do much lol never got up till 1...
cracked guitar hero world tour out its box
im a whizz on guitar...
drums? getting there lol
then later...went to ryans
he played xbox
i stole his internet and went online with my phone lol

december 27th 2008 : tooonagee!

went up town shopping with nioma
she had to go home at like half 1 to babysit.
then i met dean becca scullion and zander...
went to camerons...
i got my belly button pierced...
not that sore..
ive been nipped sorer
took dean in with me to get it done..
he was ghidd emotional support

.

" you can get up if yer feeling ok.."
" I DONO HOW I FEEL! "
.
aha ghiiid times...
went to the square .
had some banter ..
went shopping again this time with ami
she bought total lovely shoes !!! :O
went back to square ..
ryan finished work
went to his house
and same as night before lol
.
catchhhh!
xox

christmaaaaas eve XD

so ayee its christmas eve :)

and im excited kinda...

or a bit drunk...

or both ! XD

.

so ayee

merry xmas !!!

no blog tomorrow unless the day get shite lol

catch and have a good day

xox

2008 - tbh the best year yet (:

god ive been thinking...

about how the last few weeks have been so shit

..

BUT! tbh apart from the week beginning 7th of december

this years been awesome.

..

thanks to dean, ive met the greatest folk ever

fairdooos toon kinda made me a bit

mental tbh lol

but ! i like drinking and tbh smoking isnt all that bad.

.

ive had some really shit relationships

then thanks to me being a total lightweight

i met the most amazing guy ever.

we went out..i mucked up

but kehn im still hoping we can sort it out.

the whole cheating thing has made me learn alot...

.

school ? still the same ...

im still smart-ish..

.

ive also realised...alcohol is total ghiid!

drinking a litre bottle of vodka will make you pass out

vodka and lucozade makes yee whitey but tastes giiiid

.

so ayee 3 days till xmas !!

i actually cant wait XD

xox

4 days (:

eek !

4 daays !

i actually cant wait now XD

.

oh i had another strange encounter with a lady yesterday

i was reading a condom leaflet and she told me

she was gonna take me outside and end me

just coz shes jealous i can afford protection

her and her 8 kids ;)

me and shannon complained lol!

.

conner made me go to costa and get him a latte with 6 sugars !

then complained when he got a sore belly !!

lol.. so ayee got a bottle of smirnoff ice ..

was ghiid

didnt get drunk ...just happy tipsy (:

.

went back to ryans watched dawn of the dead

well like 30 minutes of it...

...

so i never got up till 1'o'clock today

and now im tidying my room

i had to clean my floor wasnt fun :^)

now! ive got to change my bed covers

and take 2 week old rice downstairs eww...

im lovely likes.

..

later? gonna revise for my prelims again.

ask ryan if he wants to come over maybe (:?

sooo catch baaabe

xox

aha awesome daayyy XD

so yehh ...today was well ghiiid.

went uptown with ryan and simon (:.

fairdooos it was raining and windy as fuck !

when we were in the bank we concluded you cant take me anywhere

coz i made a puddle on the floor wth my umbrolly

.

so ayee went to tescos to try and get a taxi tot he train station

ryan won one of the corsa c'moon guys first try !

gave up with the taxi.

walked to the train station.

i cried it was so cold and windy and rainy :(

.

but ayee got to the station

had to use the fucking machine to get tickets

gave change out in 5p's from a £20

* we regretted this later !*

got on the train (:

again we decided you can take me anywhere

as on the train i shouted

" stop rubbing me with the umbrella yer making me wet !"

lol!

went to glasgow.

.

zavvi is amazing !

and we got lost after going the wrong way :L

foot locker for like 2 hours!

went to PASTA HUT!!

yes we really did find one that has changed!

but it was toooo busy so we ended up at mcdonalds

which has to be the biggest walk from the counter to the door!

.

right then we went back to the train station !

tried to get through the ticket barrier

until the woman told me our tickets wernt valid till after half 6 !

STUPID MACHINE!!!

.

so i went absoultly skitz at the man

he was just plain rude !

ended up having to pay and extra £1.40 each !

fucking prick like seriously !

"if yer gonna swear you cna just wait till half 6 !"

my fucking arse mate !

.

so ayee train home

went to get on the bus

this drunk woman licked me !!!!

it horrified me greatly !

.

went back to simons

hannah and chloe came round

i cried coz i got hit alot !!

then i went home

and slept like a log XD

xox

schools over (:

heeeeeeeeeeeey ! <3

guesss whiiit !?!

no more schooooooool !!!

SCOOOORE !

.

im apparently coool.

coz i have manly taste in movies

such as green street and football factory !

hell yeaaah !

.

so ayee school today....for 2 periods ahaaa

me and dean

"dirty fucking jakey alkie amoking scene kid bastard !"

lol (:

.

got the bus to ryans at like 11 .

better than being at school lol

.

went home slept .

ate 6 boxes of micro chips ..

*theyreee wellll gid !*

its like awesome!

.

now im on msheeeen !

and gonna do some studying ae :/

.

tomorrow should be giiiid.

not going to school AGAIN!

glasgow with ryan...and simon hopefully (:

should be a laugh and a half (:

..

catch (:

xox

i could have been someone..well so could anyone ! (8)

8 days !

merry christmass baabes !

.

seee tbh it doesnt feel like christmas :/

kinda sooooks .

but aye i cant wait!

.

its like the perfect day...

presents foood family and lots of alcohol.

plus ! i think ryans coming over XD

god i love that boy suhin awful

even if weer not going out ..yet...

.

he says im apparently gonna find suhin out on the 25th :O

im actuallly total paranoid !

i wannnnnaaaa know now !

.

so ayee got all my past paper books today ..

15 !

i made conor carry them coz hes lovely (:

i got my hair done !

its rather braww tbh (:

.

im gonna have to start studying soon :/

kinda sucks ..

gonna ruin my holidays coz im gonna be worried ...

about exams and prelims and shizz.

im gonna try not to let it ruin it tho !

try and enjoy myself ae .

.

tbh this has been an awesome year .

i finally feel comfortable being myself.

and ive met some pure amazing people.

ive realised some people are dicks! [ a bit too late tho ]

and ive realised yee never know what yeev got till its gone

.

ive changed alot...

i drink + i smoke

who cares tho ae?

im still exactly the same person insidee

and im still doing well at schooolypops

so kehn no worries baaabes

.

so ayeee study time !

what first i wonder.......

modern studies i suppose :/

byee

xox

You and me always, and forever (8)

welll it was raining

and dark and cold !

but guess what !?! i bought a new umbrolly

so im sorted :D!!

.

got to the bus stop..

bus..me and dean finished the song !

.

im not gonna write it alll

just the verses :L

.

who looks slightly asian and cant get it up...

whos shit in bed and looks like a mutt...

who cheated on ... now cant get a burd..

now smack and gham are gonna kick him to fuck ..

.

aww dean i love yehh =]

.

got to schoool

usuall classes...

didnt do much since its the last weeeek (:

.

cant wait till friday (:

glasgow shopping woooo!

i love trains ! seriously theyre awesome !

.

christmas in like 9 days !!!

yey !!!!!!!

..

im toootalll hyper !!

so i gonna go on the treadmill :L

xox

all i want for christmas is you :((8)

so october

read please.

http://theworldofnicolee.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-wanna-hurt-you-just-to-hear-you.html

.

see that ! ever single bit of that is still 110% true

if not even more.

.

so im gonna beg over the internet.

basically make a fool of myself again.

.

take me back :(

please :(

ill do the last few things on the list...hopefully

*see last post*

even if i dont manage to

please....im begging you take me back

im crying writing this...

i love you...so much .

i know i hurt you

i know i embarassed you

but you dont know how much not being able to say

"oh my boyfriend..etc.."

it like " oh...my...err...friend"

it kills me...

the other night when you said

"im goi-..used to go out with one"

thats when i realised this isnt over yet :(

im not saying forgive me yet.

im not saying fully trust me yet.

im saying please take me back :(

everyday since last monday has been the worst days of my life

coz ive not had you to make them better :(

....

so yeh :(

please...just think about it

im willing to do the list.

i just dont know if i can convince my fucking mind to let me.

xox

help ?

im in a predicament.

so i need YOUR! help ?

.

right..
i mucked up..as you know..my relationship.

ryan was and still is the one person ive ever loved.

i know it sounds crazy since im like 15....but its true.

.

i want him back so badly it hurts.

i know what i have to do to get him back,

but ! the problem come to doing it...

is it worth embarassing myself :(

my hearts saying yes !

but as per usually i have my sensible head on which says no :(

.

when weer together...

its like weer still going out...

we still do exactly the same stufff ..

but i know weer not going out..

so its not the same,

and tbh it kills me....

.

so the question comes...

should i embarass myself + get the one person i love back .

OR!

just say no + just be friends

.

tbh seeing it like that...

i dont have a choice ....

which is the shite part...

.

i hate not having options.

fuck this im away to have another wee cry ..

xox

wooo things have got betttteer

DESPITE ! the fact this week has been SHITE!

it getting better babes !

much better.
me nd ryan are talking again...

well..more than talking but kehnnn!

shh.

.

toon today. was cold and rainy.

but me and ami's treck made it hilarious.!

some unny quotes ? why not !

.

"weeeer gonna get stabbed !" me once i found out where we were going

.

"shit im stuck !" i got stuck in between 2 lamposts with my brolly.

.

"last time i was walking down here...i was oot my tits...

and kept taking 2 steps forward and one step back" * ami demonstrates*

.

"SHIT! ive dropped my fucking fags !"

AMI LOSES HER FAGS !

AND MAKES US WALK BACK ! THEN I FOUND THEM XD!

.

aww zander made me giggle.

"are you going chappy"

"bye chappy!"

"fuck off chappy! seriously"

.

lol (:

good times babeees !

xox

it's been like this now for days...(8)

if it hurts this much,

then it must be love,

and its a lottery,

i can't wait to draw your name.

oh i'm trying to get to you,

but time isn't on my side,

the truths the worst i could do,

and i guess that i have lied.

.

keeping me awake,

it's been like this now for days,

my heart is out at sea,

my head all over the place,

i'm loosing sence of time,

and everything tastes the same,

i'll be home in a day,

i fear thats a month to late.

.

that night i slept,

on your side of the bed so,

it was ready when you got home,

we're like noughts and crosses in that

opposites always attract.

.

-youmeatsix, alwaysattract

...

so ayee today sooked.

whats new ae? :/

fuck alll !

.

biology - sooked

history- ok...banters giiid

break- shite

art- skive

french- BIGGER skive

lunch - shite

english-shite

maths- OOOFT! shite.!!

.

came home.

had dinner

now im in bed.

fuck sakes.

sooooooooks atm !

.

and i think im scared.

just in general .

scared.

life scares me lol !!

seriouslly !

.

tomorrow?

just another day ae?

this weeks nearly over !

lets hope nexts better.

lets just say...

it couldnt be anyworse than this...

ive lost everything......

...

..

.

xox

But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know (8)

someone give me him back :( please....

.

this week has changed me.

sooooo much.

im like emotionally scared :(

.

right public broadcast of feelings?

shows you how much i care :( x

.

i want you back.

so badly it makes me cry.

im sorry.

im sorry for lying.

im sorry for keeping it a secret.

im sorry for making you seem like a bad person.

im sorry i hurt you.

im sorry i went anywhere near him .

and most of all ..

im sorry ive made you distrust me :(

i deserve all the shit you've given me.

i am a slapper

i am a slag.

but im determined to change for the better

ive quit smoking for you.

ive did everything :(

i just hope you realise how sorry i am .

.

ive cried at least once everyday after and including sunday night.

i hate myself for what ive done to you.

i said

"im not as bad as her"

but guess what i am :(

i might even be worse ..

but least im trying to fix it...im trying sooo fooking hard

.

please. take me back.

give me a chance to prove im diferent now

....

please :(

xox

I'll never be the same without you (8) ):

fuck sake.

worst week ever mate :(

its only tuesday!

.

got dumped

lost all my friends

broke my fingers :(

.

holy shit.

now SHES! got involved !

how fucking awesome ae:(

kill me now ?

.

ive quit smoking btw..

3 days without a fag.

not easy.

but its what has to be done.

:(

im quite upset.

.

its not going well for me:(

bye

xox

I didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby if i could turn back time.

its official

everyone hates me !

me and ryan have broke up.

he found out i cheated.

im a slapper.

and a slag.

.

it hurt alot :(

ive cried all day.

even to my mummy ,

who then sided with him..she likes him more than me...

im a hussy according to my parents.

.

crying hurts...

after like 6 hours.

its not fun to have the people

you thought were youre friends

call you names, and give you dirty looks

.

and note if yer reading this alex,

youre a fucking shit stirring bastard and i hope you rot in hell !

matthew, youre more trouble than what it was worth

dont fucking come anywhere near me.

.

so ayee....eventful day

catch :(

xox

watch me come undone !

eeek !

its neeeerly christmas :)

i love christmas ..

its like awesome

.

so..i started my christmas shopping atlast !

not alot still to get (:

scooore ..

and i saw my christmas outfit today .

awfi brawww XD

.

after christmas?

NEW YEAR !!

the biggest excuse to get drunk in the whole world (:

and personally...

i used to hate it...

becuase obviously being young...i wasnt allowed to drink

but now i am...

its fooking awesome !

.

this years been ...probably the best year of my life so far.

fairdoos its had its bad/sad moments.

but the gidd/happy ones overshadow those !

• ive had some bad relationships...which went nowhere
• im now in the best one ive ever had ..which is awesome !
• ive lost some good friends due to the act ive changed alot
• ive made some amazing pals...who are basically mental (:
• ive changed alot ...its bad in some respects
• ive changed alot..its awesome..im more confident...and i like alcohol lol

so ayee this years beeen ghiddd :)

lets hope next years just as good !

xox

Such a saint, but such a whore. So self-aware, so full of shit (8)

godddsaaake.

its waay to cold outside

i left the house at ...8.05am

and it was fookin minus 5 !

.

my toes went numb lol!

ghiid times .

snows still there...

well it more ice now...

but just everywhere.

i slipped coming out the house 8-)

.

so ayee school...shite

haha whats new ae?

.

came home...tidyied up

watched csi:miami :L

coz im hardcore

.

went on msn (:

organised to go shopping either tomorrow afterschool

or friday if the weathers bad :L

to get amber something

happpy birthday for friday (^):)!

.

eeeeek !! 3 weeks tomorrow till xmas !

scooooore !

.i like christmas

but i hate new year :L!

its depressing lol

.

so ayeeee ..im away ...

homework is like piling up lol

xox

more UPDATED statements

1. i love you so much, yet i dont see why you're with me

i dont deserve you and it obvious to me now

im sorry for the shit ive put you through :(

.

2. i shouldnt like you at all ..but i do (: yer a nice person

no matter what anyone else says

except ...you cause alot of trouble when im with you :/

.

3. im glad weev finally sorted our shit out (:

your 4 hour long chats are funny

and the tequila was a great addition (:

.

4. i love you in a friendly way (: yer like my best friend boyo

never change coz then id have to cry

even if yeee are a total jakebawww <3

.

5. you's two are the nicest girls ive ever met !

ive only known you's for about 5 months

but yeez are total goood friends ilys! <333

xox

im not scared of dying, i just dont want to (8)

god ..i love robbie williams (:

.

but ayee...

today was two words...

FUCKING SHITE !

.

right..before school...i had no fags !

so no morning fag...made me grumpy

.

got to school...it was cold frosty and

people were talking about the weekend

felt like shit...

.

psd maths boring as fuck

break - meh !

.

r.e - had to leave at the start of the period to go to the nurse

knock back 2 ibuprofen and sit with a ROASTING!

hot water bottle on my belly....was the best part of the day

gave me some alone time

let me think about stuff.

.

history shite!

lunch...fucking bollocks!

chemistry moddies MEHH!!

.

bus home...kinda funny

walk home with alex and matthew

always makes my night (:

gives me some banter :)

(so thanks for tht guys XD)

.

god ...

now ! im sitting watching robbie williams live at knebworth.

then i think i may go for a boiling hot shower

with my ipod dock turned up full blast.

then ...french homework...

msn-ageee

then bed coz i feel like shit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

my lifes quite shite occassionally (:

xox

at last ! :D

yesterdayy was welll goood

with the exception of one thing

hope yer ok babe :( xx

.

but ayeee

met alex matthew kay and aileen

went to alex and matts

watched the incredibles under duvet covers

it was cold

.

drank LOADS of beer

.

then other people came...

alex got knocked out a few times

i got dropped on my head

the lock on the toilet door was broke so

folk walked in on yee peeing ! >.>

.

then...ema came..

i was kinda like shit !..

coz its kinda common knowledge me and her hated each other

due to...events..

but ayee...

she came over and started talking to me...

we sorted everything out (:

.

went out for a fag with her ...

ended up having 3 and talking...

went into the conservatory coz it was fucking FREEEEZING!

talked some more...

.

went into the bedroom..

talked for like another hour ..

people were like ORDER FOOOOD !!

.

then i went into the room with matthew to talk

and he told me a story about the time thomas got

jumped by neds at the shop.

ema came back through...we all talked...

then i went back through to let ema and matt talk

.

yeh alot of talking was done (:

and tequila is GIIID!!! :O:D

with cola tho lol

.

so ayeee overall

night was giiiid :D

xox

I'm just the girl next door :)

aha my blog titles are random

but this ones true..

i an truely the girl next door type lol

.

im actually all happy lately

i dono why 8-)

.

its quite awesome XD

.

but ayee anyhoo

nothing exciting happened todayy

soo...

im not gonna write anything (:

sorted !

xox

I'll keep you my dirty little secret, Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret(8)

ahaa today was quite giiiid

teacake fights and lube...nufff said !!

.

but ayyeee im gonna do more statements....was fun (:

.

1. i still love you more than anything,

even if we are kinda driting apart again:(

we can make this work <33

.

2.i used to think you were quite...a dick tbh.

ive realised yer actually a total lovely guy to me,

sorry for all the shit in the past.

.

3. weeev been through alot together ( too much tbh :O)

sorry i cant tell you my big secret lol

its bigger than pregnacy and AIDS put together !

.

4.you make me laugh sometimes..

except you did call me a slag in chemistry !

.

5. yer my bestest pal!

never leave?

i'd miss you and yer soulja' boy dance lol

...

but ayee!

this weekend should be goood (:

cant wait actually.

friday usual night in with ryan most likley ?

saturday afternoon - busy

saturday night - partyy (:

im still! not drinking btw !

been about a month now :D!

well chuffed XD

.

catch

xox

I think you're kinda cute when you try and act like you ain't lookin' (8)

lifes giiiid atm

schools going great

relationships great

friends great (:

.

ahaa...im a wee happy girl tonight

for reasons unknown to everyone lol

.

despite my breakdown today...

yeh ..i freaked out ...felt ill

and started crying for no reason basicalyy :s

ehh...why does this happen like every 2 weeks now?!?!

am i going insane ?!?!

.

ahaaa well....if iam shit happpens ae:)

mehh...im tired

catch (:

(ooo red today (:)

xox

reaching for something in the distance so close you can almost taste it(8)

hmmm....

tonight worried me.

i actually sat and thought about what i wanted to do when i left school

.

soo....me being the strange person i am...

started googling universities...

dono what university....stirling dundee or aberdeen...

but i know what course now

undergraduate history degree and undergraduate education .

ayee thts right i wanna be a history teacher(:

or maybe maths....hmmmm?ARGHHH!

.

arghhh...lifes scary ae?

seems like yesterday i was terrified of high school...

now ive only got like 2 years to go ...

oh dear....

think its time i get stuff sorted ae?!

.

schools going quite well...

i need at least 4 highers at B's :

.

aww fuck..this is worrying me

i actually want to do well in life kehn...

but i dono if i have the ability lol

awkhh well...

lifes a bitch...then yee die ae?

catch

xox

statements

im in a blogging mood now

this looks fun...

.

.

1. i actually adore you. never leave?

.

2. i cant stand you ...yet i still seek your attention

.

3. your the closest to a best friend i have...

our msn conversations are the highlight of my night

.

4. you are one of the the worst people i have ever met

grow up 'ae ? the pasts the past

.

5. you bug me suhin awfi...yet you make me laugh.

.

6. our form banter makes school bareable and

yer one of my best friends (:

.

7. you are the person i owe alot to..introducing me to uptown

ive met alot of gid folk thanks to you (:

.

8. i loved you in a friendly way...except you mucked it up

so ...stay away please ?

.

9. you literally are my mortal enemy.

yer a slag and everyone knows it...plus yer a smelly wee troll

.

10. your one of the nicest girls ive ever met. youve been through alot.

i hope things are getting better (:

.

try and guess (:

oxo

imaaa bitch !

ahaa

just a quick note

...

6 months ago

i was innocent, i was smart, i was sensible,

i was nice to everyone + i had PROPER friends

...

right now...

im anything BUT innocent, my grades are slipping, i smoke and drink

im a bitch to everyone + i dont know who my PROPER friends are (:

..

yet

im stilll happy :D

i suppose thts the main thing ae

i seriously dont care what you think

(:

xox

Pull my strings just for a thrill (8)

todayyy...sucked

first day back at school

classes = dragged on

im total in love with red jumpsuit apparatus atm

and 30 seconds to mars

..

i go through weird music episodes

last week it was coldplay and oasis

the week before it was bringmethehorizon

im a strange girl lol (:

..

but ayeee....

im awfull pissed off

i have wayyy to much homework

which includes an essay.

..

4th year sucks

take me back to primary ?

lifes tooo hard these days

it too awkward to fit everything in

= school, friends + relationships

....

im gonna have to concentrate on number 1

the rest...can wait tbh :/

well...im not saying im gonna dingy everyone...

..just...

cut down ? on the amount im going out ?

..

meh too much to do

byee

xox

boreeed mate

i like being off school

but im bored

....

...

and i have nothing exciting to write

xox

mega post !!!

fuck friday ....

saturday = best night ever !

my beedayyy party

.

excessive amounts of alcohol were drank

south park is amaze drunk

"OBAMAAAAA !!!"

" im not your buddy guy !!"

ahaaa immense.

wee chris and wilson played gay chicken !

"OMG HE HAD HIS TONGUE IN MY MOUTH !"

.

so ...

there was....

me

nioma

conor

leigh

shiviee

amber

shona

hannah

simon

chris

ryan

wee chris

wilson

.

ayeee....so we got drunk.

my parents went out for dinner

.

then they came home.

thts when everything got amazing believe it or not!

firstly!

me my mum and nioma on the trampoline drunk

" do youz pee a little wen yeez jump?

"no mum....."

LMFAO !!!

.

then my dad....who was half gassed !

decided to make use of the leftover fireworks from bonfire night !

BAD IDEAAA!

the rockets almost hit the shed..

then we got the box/cylinder things out...

they fell over coz of the wind...

and started hitting the house and the gas box

and us !!

.

then they had an idea...

since the lighter wasnt working...

they decided it was sensible to light them on the hob INSIDE!

and then throw them out the back door !

and burnt all the grasss and the fence !

.

went back inside...

my mum said to weechris

" you have the biggest personality here "

chris : " and the biggest willy :)"

mum : " err....*walks away*"

.

THEN !!

the police came !!

FUCKING PML !!

disturbance complaint with the fire works :L!!

.

so ayee everyone went home.

except leigh amber shiviee n nioma

they stayed:)

we watched house of wax and final destination

.

i fell asleep until at like 5.30 am

nioma wakes up...

"IM STICKYYY !"

she spilt orangeade all over hersel in her sleep :/

LMFAO !!

.

so ayeee im 15 babe !!!!

HAPPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO MEEEEEEE!

and matthew tomoroo

and leigh on tuesday

:D

xox

shite shite and more fucking shite !

arghhhh im awfii depressive atm
AGAIN!
yet im happy at the same time
HOW DOES THAT WORK !
SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN !
.
but yeh...
school was ok
passed by english n.a.b
.
birthday in 3 days
15 at last babes !
im not a baby ! YEY!
.
party in 2
even better !!!
.
and out with ryan tomoroo
we need to talk more..
weer gonna end up drifting apart if we dont
.
i realised today...
i havent listened 30 second to mars
in ageeeeeeeees
.
i'll attack is like my fav song atm
and green day wake me up when september ends
becuase of gillian last night lol
.
god last night was funny!
" yoooooormy wonderwalll !"
"youre not the girl i though you were !"
"your a slag :L"
.
i moonwalked !
.
aha
catch
xox

5 dayyyyys !!

arghh!

PARTEYYYY!!

itsssa my birthday in 5 daysss !

.

party in 4 :)

only the closest lovelyy folk coming ofc!

and if I HAVENT INTIVED YOU!

FUCK OFFF !!

ok?

.

ayeeeee ...

school ...shit

walk offf the bus home

= funny as fooook !

ahaaa....

"why are my hands coldd afterwards !!!"

"coz yer stupid?"

.

"its illegal to spark up two fags !"

"naww its illegal to do this "

*drops fag *

"i never meant that !"

.

ayee...

im bored :)

byee

xox

yesterday...todays boring

muhaahaa

yesterday was giddd :)

went shopping !

by myself....

got new clothes...

spent 140 on 1 outfit...

oops

.

went home had a chicken caesar salad

yummmm:P

got changed....

went uptoooon !

sat at the square...

got bored...

me and kay went a random shopping trip

annoyed....HER !

and got a zumo juice !

with 2 straws ?

hmmmm.

.

went back to the square had an argument about

who would win in a compter generated fight

pacman or godzilla

i said pacman

then another....about who would win in a fight

batman or superman

i said batman...

then i started a fight with rpry...

coz he disagreed

.

then i went in a hufff (:

.

went up the spot ..

THANKYOU WILSON !

ahaa nufff said....

:)

couldnt get a fire going....

went back down the square...

got a chippy

.

waited on a bus

nearly got gang raped by neds

scary stufff

thankyou bus drivers who chased them away!

went home.

went to sleep.

.

now im lying in m bed...

im supposed to be hoovering...

so i betttter go (:

xox

mehhhhh!!

party tonight

fancy dress

ginger spice !!

ahaaa

should be ok....

drink galore hopefull lol

.

so aye just a quick blog to say...

im a moody cow.

i need 3 bus seats.

one for my bag, one for me + one for my ego

and im apparently fat lol!

oh welll...

i enjoy being hated it gives me attention (:

xox

future ? scary stufff

just had one of those scary thoughts...
what the hell am i gonna do with my life?
fairdooos im a smarty ...
ive got an A in Intermediate 2 maths
and a 2 in Standard Grade english already.
im sitting

.
int.2 english
s.g chemistry
s.g biology
s.g modern studies
s.g history
s.g art
s.g french
.
im supposed to get straight 1's/a's ?
no pressure ofc :S

ayee...back to future.

i wanna stay on at schoool

maybe 4 or 5 highers

then 2 or 3 advanced highers ?

yeh..denny high for highers ?

cross yer fingers for me

.

i have no clue what im doing after tht

this is where i kinda freak out.

i wanna go to university.

but...what to do ?

i was thinking maybe teaching?

.

but ayee my ambition is to be in a permanent job

by the time im 23/24 ish ?

kids? id like to think so...

only 1 or 2 tho...

not before im at least 20

id love to get married.

idk if its before or after kids.

my parents wernt married when they had me

or my younger brother.

and we turned out just fine lol (:

.

my parents seriously are good role models

they both work full time jobs

and weekends ...

yet still make time for me and matthew.

not alot of parents can pull that off.

.

ayeee i may seem weird thinking about this

but its only 2 or 3 years away..

it scary shit....

i miss being a kid! !

Oh well....

we all grow up sometime :)

xxx

im a busy little monkey this weeek (:

bonfire night up callyp ?

£5

youmeatsix?

£10

getting tickets for the relentless tour?

£30

all the fabby banter im getting?

Priceless!

.

ahaaa im now the mastercard advert LOL!

but ayeee the next few months is goonnna be good

.

birthday next sunday (16th ;))

christmas soon

bmth + msi ? january 27th

?

overall its gonna be giddd

.

i really cba writing alot...

im starting to study for my prelims...

its going ok....

im gonna get straight credit grades !

im determined !

(:

catch babeees !

xox

OMFGGGG!!

gig last night !!

OMFG!!!!!

AMAZING MUCH!!!???!!

farewell city ?

well gid

lead guitarist?: OMFG he'd git done !!

cover of ushers in this club ? fav song (:

FUCK YER MYSPACE BEBOS BETTER !!!!!

CAN I PEE IN YER CUP MR HOBO MAN ?

skadoooooosh !!!

youmeatsix?

HOLY SHIT!

we knew the words to every song

" GLASGOWS FUCKING MENTAL !!"

best gig ive ever been to !

.

we met chris (:

thanks for letting us skip the queue btw (:

went mental !!

SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOOOOM !!!

*me dean like singing on the streets of glasgow !*

JULIE ANDERSON??

who are you !?!?!?

.

ayee random blog

i get total hyper talking about it !!

sooo moving onnnn!

.

went to ryans tonight (:

was gid(:

chris raped me....but not really lol !

i dono whos hands were who !!

and then ! i made them dinner >.>

then chris and ryan made fire ...

the smoke alarm went offf

then they slid down the stairs on pillows :D

OOOOOOO!

ive got a party on friday

fancy dresss !!

im going as ginger spice ! :D

lol!

should be a gid week !

bonfire night tomoroow :D

yey (:

xox

nice wee day babes

aww t'dayy was well gid (:

.

first went up town to get make up for tmoro(:

came home ,changed clothes, did hair etc.

watched an awesome episode of maury !

"im 13 and i want a baby "

seriously just why !?!?

.

then ryan came over (:

we watched scrubs and ate soup (:

then we went upstairs too watch...

charlie angels : full throttle

wassss ghiiid

then my mummy took us to mcdonalds for dinner XD

met eve ...im a sex muffin apparently (H)!

went back home....

.

went out the back with ryan so he could have a fag

stared at the stars.

was awfi nice + romantic (:

i have a star !

its called nicole (:

god i love tht boy so much (:

.

well you me at six tomoroo !

so im off to drink relentless

watch csi

and msn folk (:

byee babes

xox

its about time i grew up

its offical ...ive started growing up

.

tonight was rather emotional...to say the least

for both me and ryan.

my parents decided to have the chat with him

about how if he leads me a-stray...theyll hurt him :

.

seriously ..it was actually so embarassing

and i feel so bad ...

coz theyve scared the shit outta ryan.

yee see my dad?

he looks like a mob boss :

.

then after ryan went home ....

had a big heart to heart with my mum and claire

*neighbour*

about how they only did it coz...

shes " scared of me growing up"

she wants me to be "her wee baby girl again"

.

i cried ....alot...

i see where shes coming from

.

i used to be a wee quiet lassie...

i never went out...

until i met ryan...

hes the one who has let me grow up

hes the one whos showed me HOW to grow up

...i love the boy....seriously

.

he said something to me today...

i was like....amazed...

im not saying what..

because...its for me only

but it made me realise how much i loved him

which...is ...soooo fucking much

i cant really describe it.

.

well enough drama for today...

check out ryan + chris's blog (:

http://uk.youtube.com/OurBlogRulez

xox

whats the point :|

ayee...im fucking depressed

everything just seems so shit just now

.

yesterday was ok (:

today was ok (:

everythings always just ok !!

its never great ....always fucking ok !

.

i think i may be having a nervous breakdown

im so fucked up in the head !

i also think i may have anger problems

but i dont care about that ...

.

ok...enufff depressing stuff

i enjoy school (:

it the only time i see my friends now

...no more toon member...

so ayee....today ..some quite OK! banter

.

meh....im going to bed...

im awfii fed up :(

cheer me up ?

please....

.

xox

day 1

day 1 of my new life

not much has changed

.

i told everyone of my intentions

they laughed...

said i couldnt do it evn if i tried...

so kehn what !?!

im more determined to do it now

its all over....

and i mean it (:

that half bottle of vodka i shared with amber

my last alcoholic drink outside the house

until im legally allowed to drink ofc

.

fag i had at bus stop?

my only fag all day

is in the morning

ive cut right now...

ill try and stop completly soon

.

just wait till the weekend

everyone will be phoning me like

"nicole you coming uptown?"

and guess what?

the answer will be no (:

.

but ayeee....school was ok

but i cba talking about it

....

catch (:

xox

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost (8)

blog title? = true
im so confused about my life :(
i just dont know who i am anymore!
im doing stuff i dont want to do...
im hanging about with people who
probably dont even like me
and i have lost all my friends due to tht^
.
town had ruined me...
drinking smoking ....etc.
the only good thing tht i have gained
would be ryan :(
im just sick of not being able to be myself
im not like all the others ...i know that
im the girl who goes out ...but would rather
be in the house...watching tv and spending time
with my family and having friends over.
i hate going out nowadays
there too much pressure to drink or do stuff like tht
.
people dont even know me :
they know the me i fake
im not confident
im not a bitch
im not two faced
im not a violent person
im not outgoing
im not brave
.
im nervous
i lack any form of self confidence
i hate the way i look
im quite a nice person
i hate arguing
im a wuss
.
the girl everyone thinks is me is a sham
the only person who ever sees the real me
is....ryan....
hes the one whos seen me when i wake up in the morning
hes the one whos seen me when im at my worst
hes the one who i trust everything with
hes the one whos seen me with tears running down my face
.

im not commiting suicide
im not dissappering
im going back to myself....
im sticking in at school
im not going out every weekend
...not even every second weekend
im gonna make something of myself !
im not gonna become another one of the lost causes!
who ruined their lives themselves !
.
im sick of being a dissapointment to my parents
i never used to be until this year
and i hate it
i hate making my parents unhappy
i hate my mum thinking that everytime i go out
im either gonna be coming home in a police car...
or...the police will be alone...and ill be in hospital
or worse...
.
dont expect to see me uptown again
unless im shopping
dont expect to see me drinking outside
ever again !
dont expect to see me smoking ever
im stronger than tht
so what im saying is goodbye....
forever...

i kissed your lips , i held your hand , shared your dreams and shared your bed (8)

heeey babess!!

heehee today was gid (:

met ryan at the bridge

walked down to scotmid

.

but guess whit !

they never had the dip ryan wanted !!!

so we had to walk alll the bloody wayy to davy hills!

" i kehn its a total stomp but its worth it "

lol

so we got the dip and pringles

simon was being a gimp and not coming out

so we sat on ryans doorstep and ate and drank boost

.

then we walked to mines

the door was locked

grrrr.

so we walked to ryans sisters (:

.

watched scrubs (: ftw !

then ryan made pizza

his pizza making skills are gid (:

then i shunned him whilst it was cooking

and got threatened with a pizza cutter !

scary mate lol

.

but ayee we ate pizza

snuggled up on the couch with the cover..

i sat on the floor...

decided to be a tad annoying

it worked and i got attention lol (:

.

ooo ooo i cant take compliments :/

they make me nervous (n)

.

but ayeee i love spending time with him

makes the days better

todayy actually made me realise how lucky i am

to have a utterly AMAZING boyfriend

who i would do anything for (:

and again....

.

i have "maternal instincts "

what the helll ?

it starting to worry me

i never usually tidy or wash dishes after me..

maybe im just growing up a bit (:

.

i also had a nice wee convo with dean on the phone

like 10 mins ago ...

was funny (:

.

catch mate (:

xox

sorry (n)

so shit btw :(

once again ive fucked up :(

it always me...

i dont mean to ...

but after it i realise

that i fucked up big time

.

i honestly think im just a general fuck up

it always happens :(

and after it all fucked up so much...

my friends are like

" yee didnt deserve that "

or

"it wasnt your fault"

when ive realised ....

it usually is ...

.

maybe im not meant to be happy :(

i am ...when im not fucking up

which seems to be like every 2 weeks lately

but when we fall out i just feel like shit

atm...i could honestly cry..

it just every fucking time !!

i always fuck up by acccident :(

.

im sorry i lied

i thought ...

you know what im not making excuses for myself

.

im sorry i lied :(

and i just hope...this doesnt change anything

ive never lied to you before

you know ive told you the truth about ...

the things i know you dont want to hear

but i know i have to tell you,

about everything

including when i tell you i love you more than anything :(

.

xox

mehh...good or bad ? who knows 8-)

ayee so...yesterday i helped ryan babysit (:

i apparently have "maternal instincts "

lol (:

but ....i dont want a baby lol

.

so today..being saturday

went uptown ..

got a total amazing

top outta newlook for

the party

.

so this party

was ok i spose(:

me and amber *vodka shots + fags ftw!*

seriously sitting in the barbeque hut

" nicole i love yee babe ! give me hugs !!"

"ok :D"

.

ahaa was quite funny

sept i was on a train

which i didnt like

my bottom lips all cut

but kays mints and dionnes polo mints

kinda stopped me a bit

.

sorry for tht ^^

i didnt want to admit it at the party

as i was a bit ...

yeh ...

to use wallaces word

"fleeing"

.

i like vodka ..and smirnofff ice

but thats "poooof juice"

so im not allowed to admit i like it

oopsies XD

.

but ayee im on my come down

im crabby

and i cant sleep :

sooo meeeh

byee :

.

ps. i love rm <3(:

mega muchh babe !

no matter what happens

and you wouldnt fuck up (L)(:

.

catch mate!

xox

and after everything you put me through i should fucking piss on you! (8)

i like bring me the horizon

oli sykes is WOAFT!

.

ive changed my font (:

i got bored (:

.

3OH!3 - dont trust me is stuck in my head !

"tell your boyfriend

if he says hes got beef that im a vegetarian

and i aint fxcking scared of him"

.

i had an english NAB today...

oh dear...

i think i may have failed

but just by a tad hopefully (:

.

so ayee...schoool...

i got out of french

coz i burst out crying in the middle

of my speaking assesment

.....i shouldnt bottle everything up

coz it come out at silly times !

.

but good thing was me and shivieeepop

gotta go sit in the weee tutorial room

and talk for the whole period

..first it was relevant to why i was

crying....

then somehow ! *shivieeee!* the conversation

turned to sex lol!

.

im not gonna say more about tht LOL!

just remember what i said !

.

so ayee today was generallly ok (:

sept the rain ! and wind ! all day!

cant waitt till this weekend !

mhhhhmmmm!!!!

.

oh yeh ...ryan...dunsmore found out LOL!

he said he though i had better taste than you..

so i told him ..

yeed come back with yer clicky pen

PMSL!

.

finally !

simon ! im not a homewrecker (:

catch 'shen

xox

tell your boyfriend If he says hes got beef that I'm a vegitarian + i aint fxcking scared of him ! (8)

god

today sucked

well school did

...

after school was gid tho

chris has a phobia of feet

and

im now a ned

apparently

lol

im bored

byee

xox

ahaa i laughed

this is the type of bebo comments

ryan leaves me (:

he made me laugh

i love him mega

...

Asian Pimp Mystro

lets get frisky

drunk some wiskey

Fooled around

on the ground

we went for a quickie

my fingers got all sticky

i dnt think yer a slag

you and yer yellow bag

I sed i love you

and filled your mouth with goo

I am such a douche

for it was in a bush

when you cum you go twichy

when i relised i was itchy

we look an awfy farse

with midjy bites on our arse!

lawl ily

...

aint he talented (:

i actually love the boy so much

xox

today was fucked up

ayee ..

today was so fucked up

im being fucking harrassed by a

lassie ...trying to get "stuck in" to my boyfriend

even tho i did nothing to her!

but she blames me for her boyfriend cheating on her

..with me...but i didnt want it !

..

so ayee mate?

if by chance...

yer reading this

GET A GRIP!

i ve got 10 times more pals than you

so if u even think of touching me

for no reason !

theylll be on you like a fucking tonne of brick babe

so ayee stay away from my boyfriend...

or we will fucking have a big problem ae (:

so ayee

im in a bad mood

catch

xox

ive had enough (:

no more

• drinking
• smoking
• messing about

all i wanna do now is concentrate on school and passing my exams

ive had enough of being a stupid wee lassie

xox

ima spesh (h)

ahaa!! msn banter with conorrrrrrrrrr is awesome ((:

aha (:

im a spesh (:

see i hate wearing my glasses

i prefer contacts

even though they hurt my eyes kindaa

...

but ayeee..

first day back at school

was pretty rubbish

me and shiviee seem to be

becoming really gid pals again

thank god

i missed her mega tbh !

i need someone to bitch to !

(:

...

seriously tho...

im such an unhappy person lately

just like in the last few weeks

ive become a total weirdo

i feel the need to cry

like constantly):

its not nice !

i dont like it one bit !

...

i hope it passes...soon...

im sick of it !

catch im away to play wii tennis with my mum (:

xox

You're my wonderwall (8)

t'dayy

i went to asda..

and was violently sick in the toilets

it made me giggle

coz the wifey was like

"Gawni shut the door ?"

Eh? nawww

im being sick...

the least of my worries is shutting the cubicle door !

...

but aye ..

then we went to simons ...

watched scrubs

yey!

i stole his duvet cover

it was gid (:

i feeel better now

thank god (:

...

so yeh...

i was reading through my

old texts today

like from AGEEEEES ago

like july

and i found the first texts ryan sent me (l)

"its no problem...i just hate seein lassies bombscare i kno wat its like"

" maybe it just the way i am, maybe i just wanted to help or maybe i just wanted to help a pretty girl out"

awww aint he sweet (:

i remember that day...

very well actually considering

the amount i drank.

...

ayee i can remember the first time

i spoke to him aswell

i had just made a total ARSE

of myself hitting my head off a bus roof

he laughed at me...

typical me ae ?

.

anyhoo im gonna have a wee sleep

get the remainder of my migraine away

catch babe!

xox

today :/

tooon?

wiz ok i spooose

no drinking !

straightedge?

nahh...

just couldnt be bothered

with the bombscaring

and

the hangover

and

embarrassing myself more (:

...

right now?

watching a dvd

charlies angels:full throttle

coz im coooool (h) lol

on msn ?

ayeet mate

talking to conor about relationships

...

speaking of relationships...

today i realised suhin

i dont wannna lose him...ever..

just lying in bed with ryan watching a movie

talking a lot of random shit

not caring about other people....

just me and him...

it proved you dont have to do *stuff*

to spend time with your boyfriend

i could have lay there all night...

just snuggled up under the covers

having random conversations about

dinosaurs...and other silly things

just being myself basically.....

but nawww!

my mum had to phone ...

and say i had to go home.

i was utterly gutted....

...

i soo wish i had a place of my own

or even just a shared flat ...

but kehn being 14...

with no job...

doesnt help (n)

wid be so good ..

not having to go home at a certain time

being able to spend a whole night with ryan

:( if only ae?

...

but ayee im tired

so ...

catch babe

xox

since i do what im told

ahaa...

got told to post this :L

...

well...tonight was ..

well utterly amazing

for 2 reasons

...

the first of which being

ryan came over (:

my mummy made us baked potatoes :P

they were yummy(:

i total love spending time with him

he makes everything else seem pointless

he basically my life (:

...

the second reason why tonight was so amazing..

first utterly amazing experience

which im not going into too much detail about

but..

all im gonna say is

OOOFT WOW !!

ryan is truely amazing mate !

2 months today babe (L):D

xox

boredd mate (n)

ooo friday!

i rather like fridays (:

well...this friday aint so good tbh...

my mother is forcing me to tidy the atomic bomb testing site

which i call my bedroom...

not fun babe! not fun atall!

...

but yeh the reason why i like fridays is coz

ryan , like 95% of the time, comes over (:

we like eat ...alot...then watch movies XD

its well gid mate

"gee me attention!!!!"

its gidd coz we get to spend time together

just the two of us...

without other people annoying us

or us making them feel awkward

...

im guessing it will be toon tomorrow

oh how fun (n)

nah not really

toon shite now

last weekend was utterly appaulingly shit !

the funnest part was the treck ...

through jaggy nettles...

in a skirt and dolly shoes aha

...

but ayeee

the mother is now moaning at me

so ...

catch babes !

xox

i wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name (8)

i moan about my life....

but tbh

its the best its ever been

thanks to one person tbh

...

ryan mcnamee

or to you other people smackmanee (:

...

ryan is the best thing to ever happen to me

i love him ,

i know people say we are too young to know what love is,

but i do.

seriously, i dont know what id do without him

..2 months and we're still going stong.

he is truely amazing ,

when he says cute little things like

"you know im always there for you"

+

"i love you and i always will"

my heart melts .

he can always cheer me up

and always knows when theres something wrong.

i actually love him so much.

...

seriously 2 months tomorrow!

my longest relationship

i hope to god it lasts much longer,

because to be honest

i cant imagine my life without him now,

he is the only thing keeping me going sometimes,

and i know i can go to him about anything

and he'll listen + try his best to make me happy.

...

i made him super-noodles today

so apparently we are married now lol

coz i cooked for him XD

the noodles would have been better...but!!

chris put too much water in the pot..

and i couldnt be bothered taking some out .

he bit me on the leg..it hurt like a bitch!

he rips me suhin awful,

but i know he doesnt mean it in a bad way (:

he moans about me not eating

+ that im to apologetic and a pushover,

but kehn...hes only looking out for me

...

as you can tell , i truely love the boy

so kehn

break us up + ill fucking devour you.

and im not joking mate !

...

forever + always babe ?

i love you (:

...

xox